


Unexpected

by InevitableBladders (TheTimelessChild0)



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, WandaVision (TV)
Genre: Confused Vision, Desperation, Fluff and Humor, Medical Experimentation, Post-Episode: Now In Colour, Urination, wanda is a literal child
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-24
Updated: 2021-01-24
Packaged: 2021-03-16 15:47:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,678
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28958928
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheTimelessChild0/pseuds/InevitableBladders
Summary: Life without X-Ray technology comes with surprises.
Relationships: Wanda Maximoff/Vision
Comments: 2
Kudos: 25





	Unexpected

It had started as a routine doctor’s visit. Wanda had prepped Vision on how to explain away various abnormalities the doctors might find during their examination. What they were not prepared for, was a S.W.O.R.D. setup. They wheeled him away to a back room, containing a large nuclear scanner.

As far as the couple’s covert investigation went, they had not found explicit evidence that S.W.O.R.D was out to hurt them. Wanda knew too well that organisations that seemed trustworthy could betray you, but also regain that trust. They were wary, but cautiously optimistic about their intentions.

The scientists put him into the machine, and the cyborg held his artificial breath. They were checking instruments and mumbling incoherently. Then one of them grabbed a syringe.

“Right, I rather think that’s enough poking and prodding for one afternoon. As you will clearly see, there is nothing  _ whatsoever _ wrong with me,” Vision bargained, trying not to panic.

He was immediately pinned down and received the dubious injection.

Subsequently, the stone in his forehead shone like a dying star, giving him a massive headache. That was the last straw. He easily phased out of his captors’ hands, searching for weapons. There was a large medical hammer, presumably used for anaesthetic purposes. It called to mind Mjölnir. Except he did not have to be worthy or feel worthy to lift this. 

“I did not wish to do this, but you have left me no choice,” he explained calmly, clubbing his captors.

* * *

Wanda woke up, nursing a headache of her own. Her surroundings revealed themselves to be the inside of a closet, one with a mismatched metal door. Nevertheless, it allowed itself to open with little resistance.

Vision picked at his outfit, where the needle had gone through. There were no  _ Enhanced _ tailors in Westview, he feared. He alternated his weight between his left foot and right. There was a presence, a subtle weight to his supposed body mass. The concoction had left his body...admittedly he did not know  _ how _ , or through  where , but his headache had gone, so he saw no other explanation, than that it had vanished into thin air at some point or another. He chalked up the mild discomfort to signal misfires. He had, in a way, descended from a very large computer, indeed. There was no wonder the complexities of a pseudo-organic structure was constricting the coding. Surely, it would pass.

His wife beckoned outside the door, so he opened it, remembering that she could not walk through it otherwise.

“Vis!” she exclaimed gratefully, embracing him. Instinctively, he separated after a few seconds, smiling at her reassuringly.

“I’m alright, really...just a scratch. Impressive technology; with little to no power,” Vision noted before he was hit with an insistent ache. The peculiar sensation had all of a sudden gotten  _ worse _ ! He grabbed his knees, waiting for it to go away again, hopefully permanently this time.

“Something wrong?” Wanda honed in on his apparent tension. 

“Not at all. Not a problem, no bother, everything’s peachy keen,  _ peak physical condition _ , I promise” he rattled off, wiping sweat off his forehead. “Is it raining?”

“No... you’re sweating,” she stated, staring at the droplets still visible on Vision’s surface fibres.

“Huh, must be warm in the ol’ microprocessor,” he joked, vigorously shaking his head to dry off, despite wind not impacting him on any other occasion.

“Vis...you don’t have liquid-based vents in your head,” Wanda remarked, growing concerned.

“Huh..that  _ is _ odd. Oh well, that’s a mystery for another time, let’s move it along before they wake up, what do you say Wanda?” he suggested sharply, shifting obviously.

“You’re right. The real mystery, is why you’ve been moving around so much in the last minute or two,” she studied him. He jerked his hips, as if there was a worm somewhere. “Wanda. Focus, there is a priority here! Namely, our continued safety,” Vision insisted.

“I’m not leaving until we figure out what’s going on,” 

She moved towards the large computer screen.

On the display was a silhouette of Visions body, with all the differentials included, of course. One key similarity, however, was a big pink blob at the bottom, near his pelvis. It was a bladder.

“Hmm,” Wanda noted casually, not sure how to react. It soothed her anxiety for her husband's health, but his dignity was still in danger, to a certain point. Though that was probably debatable, she wasn’t the one who suddenly had a urinary system for the first time in their life. She’d had hers for years.

“Did you find something enlightening?” her husband inquired, leaning forward for more than one reason.

“ _ Very, _ ” she replied, smirking as she moved to show him. “I’m curious; exactly how much fluid did they inject into you, Vis?” 

“Oh, about a quart, I should say...or perhaps you prefer the European term millilitres, in which case about 900, but don’t fret most of it seems to have  _ evaporated _ ,” he claimed.

“Yeah, I’m not so sure about that, dear. I’d rather say it simply...relocated,” Wanda reasoned.

“It moved? Where, I don’t feel it anywhere,” Vision noted, puzzled.

“Oh, actually, you  _ do _ feel it. Prominently,” she did not hide her amusement, gazing upon the cyborg, whose hands were now glued to his thighs.

“It went where all liquid eventually goes if you’re human...or some semblance of humanoid, in this case,”

Maximoff pointed at the screen, letting the supercomputer work it out himself.

“My bladder...I have a  _ bladder _ ?!” he registered his considerable astonishment.

“Apparently. You were told not to eat so we extrapolated from that, we didn’t even check,” Wanda mused.

“Well, now my symptoms of abdominal distress make perfect sense. I just need to urinate.  _ Badly _ ,” Vision admitted, putting a hand in a strategically appropriate location. 

Luckily, this epiphany brought forth magnitudes of methods of contention, witnessed by the man in the company of his fellow humans in the years past.

“As glad that I am, that this isn’t  _ critical  _ I must confess to being quite bothered by this new requirement,” he noted, squirming some more.

“Well, you’ll get the hang of it, this was a jump in the deep end. No doubt about that...9 dl.  _ Oy vey _ ,” Wanda comforted. “Blessed art thou for you are married to a human, living in a neighbourhood of humans. There’s a fully functioning bathroom at home. Come along my love,” she beckoned.

“While you are imitating the Bard, could we take his sage advice and ‘exit pursued by  _ my own bulging bladder _ ’?” Vis nervously requested.

“Alright, let’s hit the skies, but not the whole way, I don’t want you to have an accident from this,” his wife advised

“An  _ accident _ ? Wanda, I’d think you had more  _ faith _ in my organic functions. I’ll control myself just fine in motion, thank you,” he protested against the assumption.

He proceeded to land 5 blocks away of his own accord.

“It is dastardly difficult to fly with one hand,” Vision explained. “Or crossed legs,” he added awkwardly.

* * *

They made it inside the house, at which point Wanda manipulated the lights to more clearly map out his path to salvation.

She heard the correct door close, after it had been prematurely opened for his benefit.

“Right. Now which way should I  _ go _ ?” he pondered. The options were obvious but the most efficient solution was not conclusive yet. He was familiar with the classic approach and knew it was more than possible with the parts at hand. The thing was, he had never used the apparatus for alternate forms of pleasure. 

He’d tried, once,  _ just the once _ , when Wanda was out, but it did not want to cooperate with the desired wrangling. Nor had anything come out of it before. There was no knowing the intensity of the stream or its trajectory. He had brilliant aim when firing yellow rays of heat from his hand, but this was uncharted territory. He did not want to make a mess, certainly not one at the expense of the exquisite tile floor.

“Wanda!” He called for his wife. Who was standing outside the door the whole time, determined not to listen too closely.

“Yes, dear,” she confirmed her presence.

“I’m not sure how to start. The most immediate solution presenting itself to me seems rather  _ complicated _ ,” he explained.

“Just sit down, pointing it at the water, that’ll give you as much of a target as possible,” Wanda advised.

He took her advice, switching to his human form to  _ undress  _ more easily. He directed his dongle with maximum accuracy and resolved to relax. Which had an instantaneous response.

“Oh! Aha...” he recorded the sensation diligently.”Oh, well this is quite pleasant. Why, nearly  _ euphoric _ ,”

“Yes. That’s it, that’s the spot,”

It soothed him, not unlike meditation, he realised, closing his eyes as if in a trance of some kind.

He remained focused on the activity in progress. It took quite a while, as evacuating almost a litre would...and eventually, it stopped.

Vision dried off the area with his hand and flushed. Next to the sink was detergent for the plating, which was scrubbed to the atom.

“Success!” he exclaimed with glee.

“Bravo!” Wanda encouraged with enthusiastic applause.

Vis rolled his eyes.

“Please, we need to concentrate on finding the remaining 100 millilitres of poison. If I’m doing this consecutively, it’ll be on my own accord,” he stated firmly.

“You’re right. You don’t generate excess fluid internally, so you’d have to provide the contents from the outside only,” 

“I  _ suppose _ that doesn’t sound too horrid. I mean, we don’t even know how long it will take without illicit chemicals,” Vision brought up.

“And there are plenty of delicious drinks. Why don’t I make a double serving of ice tea?” she offered.

“Sounds scrumptious, darling,”

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  


“Excuse me,” Vision left the table early. Unfortunately, what he had not foreseen was the lack of a liver. And he had just drunk five glasses of wine. 

At least he did remember to leave the seat down.

The End.


End file.
